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Squat toilet, how do you do it?


Noble_Design
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Has to be DEFOCN 1 before I will use these.

Not just because they are invariably filthy, flooded and slippery, but I have a real problem with balance as well as getting back up from a squattiing position, especially if there is no handrail to assist.

As for the OP question I have used these only a few times in my 10 years in SE Asia, so I will go for B.

I also learned a long time ago to never leave home without a back pocket full of tissues.

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2 hours ago, Poolie said:

A - 1. B - 2. 😃

The sound when the poop hits the water directly dead center without contacting the bowl and causing any smear is so satisfying IMHO. Especially when the poop is extra large and hard. Feels like a bunker buster just exploded.

2 hours ago, ExpatPattaya said:

Piss into the hole just like any urinal.  If #2, remember to bring some paper if no water spray available

But how do you position yourself when #2? Which side do you face?

1 hour ago, Saltire said:

Has to be DEFOCN 1 before I will use these.

Not just because they are invariably filthy, flooded and slippery, but I have a real problem with balance as well as getting back up from a squattiing position, especially if there is no handrail to assist.

As for the OP question I have used these only a few times in my 10 years in SE Asia, so I will go for B.

I also learned a long time ago to never leave home without a back pocket full of tissues.

I understand that feeling, especially after squatting for more than 10 minutes the knees feel like they are locked in place. And some of the cubicles are quite small and tight which makes it worse.

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B.

The bigger question is how to use the plastic pot in the water tank in the event of using it for a number 2 and not having tissues nearby....

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If no.2, to be safe, take your trooooosers and pants off and hang them on the door, cos you don't want any nasty surprises on pulling them up.

Always enter with tissues or a lump of nearby tree bark, as you don't want to be greeted by, nothing. 

Do take careful aim, as you do not want another surprise when you're finished, open the door to find a nice young lady outside waiting, that's been sitting at a table next to yours.....😬

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I have never used one and never will. Forward planning is the key, so you don't  ever get caught out. Alternatively, a good stout tree branch in the jungle/wooded area, around 2 feet off the deck, to sit on, hang the old tut over the branch and fire away.  Works well in an emergency, but check for red ants first, otherwise you could come out of this exercise with a rather red and burning ass.   

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1 hour ago, FarangryBirds said:

B.

The bigger question is how to use the plastic pot in the water tank in the event of using it for a number 2 and not having tissues nearby....

Balance, squating, good aim using one hand to toss from back out of derriere upwards to the ring and the other hand as the semi cleaning tool to help wipe and clear out the last bit of the gunk or smear after several tosses, if any gunk is left if wasn't a solid launch. Then use water to pour on dirty hand to clean off, put pants on and go soap and clean your hands and float away much lighter and happy. I have literally done this over 30 years plus way more than I know how many times. It is what it is and doesn't bother me when need to go and puckering.

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On the rare occasion I am faced with one of these and the turtles head is popping out then it’s definitely sketch B.

As said, trousers and undercrackers off to aid balance , also the floor is usually flooded anyway. I always carry a small pack of wet wipes with me for such occasions.

It’s certainly a vulnerable position to be in and while I’m down there I usually say a little prayer that the cubicle lock will withstand any healthy pushing from outside …….. while I’m doing the healthy pushing inside ……. sorry 😞 

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58 minutes ago, DwizzleyMatthews said:

I always carry a small pack of wet wipes with me for such occasions.

If its that rare, why carry tissues?  It sounds like a bowl control problem.  Perhaps a butt plug would be more practical? 😀

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17 hours ago, FarangryBirds said:

B.

The bigger question is how to use the plastic pot in the water tank in the event of using it for a number 2 and not having tissues nearby....

Well the method is to use the non-dominant hand and make it into shape of a cup/ladle. Then scoop up an appropriate amount of water from the tank and proceed to slap the anus with the water. Repeat a few times until the anus is assumed to be sufficiently clean.

It is important to use the non dominant hand for this procedure as your dominant hand will be used for eating/shaking hands/masturbating etc. This is to avoid any uncomfortable feeling that the same hand used for important activities is also used for washing the anus.

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17 hours ago, Transam said:

If no.2, to be safe, take your trooooosers and pants off and hang them on the door, cos you don't want any nasty surprises on pulling them up.

Always enter with tissues or a lump of nearby tree bark, as you don't want to be greeted by, nothing. 

Do take careful aim, as you do not want another surprise when you're finished, open the door to find a nice young lady outside waiting, that's been sitting at a table next to yours.....😬

I saw some trees devoid of bark nearby some toilets. Now I know why...

17 hours ago, Pinetree said:

I have never used one and never will. Forward planning is the key, so you don't  ever get caught out. Alternatively, a good stout tree branch in the jungle/wooded area, around 2 feet off the deck, to sit on, hang the old tut over the branch and fire away.  Works well in an emergency, but check for red ants first, otherwise you could come out of this exercise with a rather red and burning ass.   

Ask the ants to help clean up the anus?

15 hours ago, DwizzleyMatthews said:

On the rare occasion I am faced with one of these and the turtles head is popping out then it’s definitely sketch B.

As said, trousers and undercrackers off to aid balance , also the floor is usually flooded anyway. I always carry a small pack of wet wipes with me for such occasions.

It’s certainly a vulnerable position to be in and while I’m down there I usually say a little prayer that the cubicle lock will withstand any healthy pushing from outside …….. while I’m doing the healthy pushing inside ……. sorry 😞 

I know that feeling... pushing while in a hot and humid cubicle is not a nice feeling. It's like doing business while in a sauna

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# 1  - from a standing position in front of the  baby bidet. Satisfyingly loud.

#2 B - facing the door to repel invaders

The added benefits of the squat pot are numerous. When laying an extra length cable it slips silently below the welcoming water. The short, sharp plunge of dam busters reduces impact sounds and minimizes any tsunami effect. The quietened emission of greenhouse gases can sneakily enjoyed. Cleaning? I just throw water on my butt like it’s on fire. I’m not sticking my hand near poo for anyone except my faithful OnlyFans subscribers.

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