News Forum - Thai woman spends 300k baht on wedding but groom doesn’t turn up

[Smithydog]

17 hours ago, kalyan said:

this is one of the system which ruins the marriage in thai families, especially in a lower class families this becomes an point of dispute and restless starts at starting.

I dont think men would put an substantiate investment upfront for ladies to whom he love and marry, most of the time the reason women have to stand alone in their lives to look after themselves.

You see the same classic example in thailand.

Let us take a example of India, yes there is a dowry system there, it is reverse of thailand, women to marry men their familes pay substantially to men.

example, gold, cash, house, land, car, all house hold materials, however this increases and decreases based on the men business and networth, family status, earning per month.

basically an business, however when it comes to divorce most of the women go back to court and try to get back as much as invested on the marriage.

In summary: The Dowry system needs to go away if women of thailand needs to get a good boys, however the social justice system also needs to improve on the divorce and marriage binding.

Religion plays a major factor in advising the couples or bring moral values for people on marriage binding.

basically it is a evolution in the evolution some wake up some sleep, the people who sleep go into trouble, the people who wake up slide away.

The daughter of my Thai brother-in-law was married this morning next door to where we are. Just back from the traditional ceremony which was missing the monks as they are all in the temple area because of Lent. They are heading off to the temple shortly for a blessing and then off to the registry office to be formally married.

They had the Sin Sod ceremony, followed by the groom bribing his way through the ropes into the house. It was funny watching the "apparent" negotiations as it had been all negotiated last week over a few beers. There were some good "actors" "discussing" it which provided some light entertainment along with tradition. 

It consisted of cash and simple gold jewellery all of which I know is going to pay for the wedding and the rest to the bride and groom as a wedding gift. Considering they bought a whole buffalo to feed all the guests, not sure much cash will remain.

Nothing like what was mentioned in the article, as these are your typical Thai village people but it shows the symbolic nature of the sin sod still exists.

[Andres]

Feeling very sorry for this woman. I hope The Thaiger  or relatives start a fundraiser, so this poor woman will not remain in such high debt.

[Noble_Design]

10 hours ago, palooka said:

Education is probaly the key and the demise of the poorly educated elders. Thai respect for elders and their opinions is fine but a lot never had schooling or only 3-4 years so all they have to judge life matters are traditions.

Good luck on that. I told my wife that we should forego this Bride's Price thing for our daughter in the future, and she said no. This coming from someone who is a uni and further US grad.

[JamesR]

16 hours ago, Ramanathan.P said:

Well...it is their way of life. No one can change it except themselves. Thai people imitate to live other's life. For many girls it is like a "fantasy life". They always dream for a white prince on a white horse with lots of white gold and begging at their feet for their hand. The issues is many failed to see the reality of life only to awake from that fantasy world later in life. For them "love is money and money is love". There is nothing in between. They always wanted to "Show off" to others ending up in deep disaster. They always try to live beyond their means. Well, I am not saying all. There are exceptional cases. But on a general view, there is a big gap between the haves and have not. So the have not always look for a windfall to become the haves. Marriage is one such path for the entire family. Many want the foreigners who marry Thai girls to be the train that is pulling the entire row of carriages and loads. This puts heavy burden on the man, who sometimes, just leave them or came broke eventually ending up in committing suicide

Your opinion is typical of many farangs I have met, they tend to meet only girls at bars who are usually from Isaan.

Those types of farangs do not seem to know most Thai women do not drink, smoke, 'have fun' etc and as they do not go to bars looking for a farang the farang will never ever meet that type of woman. 

I have heard them talk to each other swapping stories of how their wife got drunk, demanded a house, gambled, money sent to the parents etc, it really makes me laugh as they think it is normal and they think this as the only type of Thai they meet are of this type.

I do not bother informing the farangs as they are told by that type of Thai woman if anyone says anything negative about them then it is because the farang is jealous, I laugh and think no, we are lucky not to be in such a honey trap.

It is a bit like a Spanish bloke I met once, he asked me why all Brits are drunk all day, shout and are covered in tattoos, I said that is because Spain attracts that type of Brit, the rest of use do not want to go there and mingle with that type, this is similar to many farangs in Thailand, they only ever see bar type life and think all Thai women are the same. 

 

[dj230]

What a shame, so they spend 300k on the wedding and it's all wasted because they wanted a dowry

Maybe it was a good thing though, she was about to marry a person who lied about their career

 

[JamesR]

On 5/6/2022 at 4:10 PM, Soidog said:

Yes I agree. Although it’s a very sad and embarrassing situation and the guy must be a gutless prick, if the dowry was the issue then she should be just as angry with her parents.
 

A number of times I’ve heard phrases such as the dowry is  “Compensating Parents” for the money they have invested on things like education. I never thought of my kids as an investment for me. I just did all I could to give them a good start in life and hope they go on to lead a long and happy life. A serious discussion is required about the whole notion of dowries in Thailand. It maintains the class divide and should be a thing consigned to history. 

I hear many people say most, if not all of the money is returned to the couple and it’s more a show of wealth. Well sorry, that’s equally sad and pathetic in these modern times. 

Do you know of any farangs who have given such a dowry as I have never come across any of them telling me about it?

I was never asked and did not even know it existed until I read about  it on this site. 

What about farangs sending money to the wife's family, I have heard some guy talk about it in the background but do not personally know of anyone doing it?

[Guest1]

6 hours ago, JamesR said:

Do you know of any farangs who have given such a dowry as I have never come across any of them telling me about it?

I was never asked and did not even know it existed until I read about  it on this site. 

What about farangs sending money to the wife's family, I have heard some guy talk about it in the background but do not personally know of anyone doing it?

Maybe you find something in here? 

[Soidog]

7 hours ago, JamesR said:

Do you know of any farangs who have given such a dowry as I have never come across any of them telling me about it?

I was never asked and did not even know it existed until I read about  it on this site. 

What about farangs sending money to the wife's family, I have heard some guy talk about it in the background but do not personally know of anyone doing it?

I personally know one guy (went to the wedding) who laid out 5 million baht. He got 2.5 million back after the wedding less about 100k for some expenses he never did understand. Madness! 

[palooka]

10 hours ago, JamesR said:

only girls at bars who are usually from Isaan.

Still running down Isaan.

[JamesR]

13 minutes ago, Transam said:

What a load of tosh from a bloke who has obviously been burned......

Luckily I haven’t as it is so obvious what goes on but I have come across many who have. 
 

We are not all dim.

[JamesR]

37 minutes ago, palooka said:

Still running down Isaan.

No, but it is so funny many (notice I did no say all) many of them are still managing to convince the dim farangs that a 25 year old girl is capable of falling in love with an guy who is twice their age. 
 

1 hour ago, Soidog said:

I personally know one guy (went to the wedding) who laid out 5 million baht. He got 2.5 million back after the wedding less about 100k for some expenses he never did understand. Madness! 

That worked ok then. A bargain.  

It was traditional in the Uk for the brides father to pay for the wedding but I have not seen that put into practice during my lifetime. 

[JamesR]

54 minutes ago, palooka said:

Still running down Isaan.

I am just stating a simple fact, most girls working in girly bars around Thailand are from Isaan. 
 

Go to a few and ask them. 

[JamesR]

16 minutes ago, Transam said:

Margery Proops or just nosy.....?  

She has been dead for a while. I don’t think she is still nosy. 

[Ivo_Shandor]

10 hours ago, JamesR said:

Do you know of any farangs who have given such a dowry as I have never come across any of them telling me about it?

I was never asked and did not even know it existed until I read about  it on this site. 

What about farangs sending money to the wife's family, I have heard some guy talk about it in the background but do not personally know of anyone doing it?

The husband of my wife's sister gave 300k when they married around 3 years ago; it was not returned, as the family of my wife is not wealthy.

I supported my wife for many years, so I will give a dowry too, but with a sort of "discount", when we will do the traditional celebration.

This story is sad, but in my opinion 200k (plus around 100k for the gold baht, as I read elsewhere) for a 40-year old is way too much. He is a soab, but also her family is quite a golddigger. 

I don't get why people are criticizing the local dowry system, maybe it is just ignorance about Thai culture. In my original country there still is, in some remote areas, the classic dowry from bride to groom. It's a tradition as well as a traditional Thai wedding is, nothing more.

Edited May 8, 2022 by Ivo_Shandor

[Soidog]

7 minutes ago, Ivo_Shandor said:

I don't get why people are criticizing the local dowry system, maybe it is just ignorance about Thai culture. In my original country there still is, in some remote areas, the classic dowry from bride to groom. It's a tradition as well as a traditional Thai wedding is, nothing more.

Simply because it’s backward looking and is not relevant to modern times. It’s been held on to purely as a way to make money by “selling” your daughter. You have children to love them and nurture them, not to make profit from. What do you do if your daughter falls in love with a good man but he can’t afford the dowry? Is she denied this in order for you as their parent to make dirty money from her. How do you place a price on your daughters own happiness? 

[Soidog]

1 minute ago, Transam said:

Perhaps farangland weddings are also backward looking and not relevant to modern times...

Some aspects are. Many people now refuse to “obey” when they recite their wedding vows. Many choose not to have lavish weddings which costs thousands of pounds. The whole concept of marriage and more so marriage before god is on the decline in Western countries. 

[Soidog]

3 minutes ago, Transam said:

Well, the iPhone is god now....

I thought it was Kim Kardashian

[Ivo_Shandor]

3 hours ago, Soidog said:

Simply because it’s backward looking and is not relevant to modern times. It’s been held on to purely as a way to make money by “selling” your daughter. You have children to love them and nurture them, not to make profit from. What do you do if your daughter falls in love with a good man but he can’t afford the dowry? Is she denied this in order for you as their parent to make dirty money from her. How do you place a price on your daughters own happiness? 

According to which cultural metrics is not relevant? Neither Western cultural values (if any), nor your personal view matter here. Learn and respect other cultures is very hard for some farangs.

[Soidog]

2 hours ago, Ivo_Shandor said:

According to which cultural metrics is not relevant? Neither Western cultural values (if any), nor your personal view matter here. Learn and respect other cultures is very hard for some farangs.

Actually this forum is all about personal views. I respect other cultures but it still doesn’t stop me thinking they are wrong. You have your opinion and I have mine. Respect both.  What is a Farang by the way? 

[JamesR]

14 hours ago, Soidog said:

I thought it was Kim Kardashian

I have never understood why any guy would find her attractive as she looks like an oversized ladyboy but I suppose to an American she is seen as a beauty. 
 

when I worked in the USA for a total of 16 months I found most women were quite a bit “large” should we say. 

[Soidog]

6 hours ago, JamesR said:

I have never understood why any guy would find her attractive as she looks like an oversized ladyboy but I suppose to an American she is seen as a beauty. 
 

when I worked in the USA for a total of 16 months I found most women were quite a bit “large” should we say. 

I agree about Kim. The whole thing surrounding “Influencers” bothers me. What do these people actually bring to the table? All they do is present a lifestyle which causes most kids to think they can have that life without any effort. All you have to do is get the “Kim look” and you will be mega rich. No effort required. 
 

As for the large Americans. I think this is repeated in the U.K. and Australia. Being obese or close to obese is the norm in the U.K. 

[Fanta]

2 hours ago, Soidog said:

As for the large Americans. I think this is repeated in the U.K. and Australia. Being obese or close to obese is the norm in the U.K

I worked in the States with a pack of IT geeks who were snowed in most of the year. Super size !
Anyway this woman is a payer not a player so her heartbreak will be short lived. 

[Dancbmac]

On 5/9/2022 at 3:48 AM, JamesR said:

I have never understood why any guy would find her attractive as she looks like an oversized ladyboy but I suppose to an American she is seen as a beauty. 
 

when I worked in the USA for a total of 16 months I found most women were quite a bit “large” should we say. 

As an American, I don’t understand why some think she is attractive either and none of my friends in the States feel the same way.  As far as I know she was invented by the media a few years back when I was working outside the country and when I returned a few years later I kept hearing about her, but had no idea who she was and why she was famous.  I agree with you that most American women are quite a bit “large”.  Some like it and some don’t.

Edited May 11, 2022 by Dancbmac

[JamesR]

11 minutes ago, Dancbmac said:

As an American, I don’t understand why some think she is attractive either and none of my friends in the States feel the same way.  As far as I know she was invented by the media a few years back when I was working outside the country and when I returned a few years later I kept hearing about her, but had no idea who she was and why she was famous.  I agree with you that most American women are quite a bit “large”.  Some like it and some don’t.

I suppose it is just good marketing as far as business goes, the backers put her in the public eye and she starts to get followers and so certain people who are interested in ArseBook and Twitter etc follow, and the more followers she gets the more other fools follow.

I am not sure how famous she is in the UK as we tend to follow such things less than people in the USA, but a small percentage of 350 million Americans is still quite a large following.

Here I have seen a few women (not many) who have had their lips, breast enlarged and wear thick makeup and they look horrible, but each to their own I suppose.

I think most followers of such people are themselves women as many think that is what men like but I don't think it is true. 

 

[alex12345]

Yes, it is sad for the woman, I have to agree, no one should stand their waiting for someone who doesnt turn up on their wedding day.

I was going to be married to a thai once, kind of obvious because it was the second thing she asked me, did I want to get married? well not for at least two years anyway. Her parents were very poor and originally wanted 700,000 which  i didnt have. We wouldnt have gotten any of that back

Eventually her grannie worked it down to 300,000. A month or two later a filipino ten years younger came along, who wasnt interested in my money.  So that story ended and i've never dated a Thai woman since. What was funny she kept asking me if I was saving (now in the UK we would both be saving, she was 3 million in debt at least)

The linkage of love to money in thailand is to strange and i see to many men being dragged to gold shops all the time married or not

Edited May 11, 2022 by alex12345