Calling all Poets!

[Vince]

@OOber some say is a crank
Tho' his Lim'ricks, well they all stank
While singing their dirges
He services their urges
@OOber is a bloke the Brits all thank!

[Marble-eye]

On this forum there's a member called Vince

Whose face resembles a quince

 

All yellow and sour

 

Very spotty and dour

 

And his hair has a deep purple rinse

 

 

(OK I was bored already)

 

 

[Vince]

A sexy lass there was named @Marble-eye
A joust with a real man she would try
She pulled up her pink knickers
After servicing some Vicars
"I wish I were Vince" she would cry

[Marble-eye]

3 minutes ago, Vince said:

A sexy lass there was named @Marble-eye
A joust with a real man she would try
She pulled up her pink knickers
After servicing some Vicars
"I wish I were Vince" she would cry

This is good, I don't understand it, but at least you are leaving oober alone.

[Vince]

9 minutes ago, Marble-eye said:

This is good, I don't understand it, but at least you are leaving oober alone.

It says you are a pretty 'girl' who shags priests, came up against a real man i.e. me, named me in your limerick - were defeated (obviously!) In our rhyme-dual - and we're filled with jealousy and wanted to stop taking sex change hormones and have your breast augmentation surgery and penis removal surgery reversed as a result! 

And @OOberstarted it ;-) 

Detroit, what!?

[Marble-eye]

3 minutes ago, Vince said:

It says you are a pretty 'girl' who shags priests, came up against a real man i.e. me, named me in your limerick - were defeated (obviously!) In our rhyme-dual - and we're filled with jealousy and wanted to stop taking sex change hormones and have your breast augmentation surgery and penis removal surgery reversed as a result! 

And @OOberstarted it ;-) 

Detroit, what!?

You are too smart for me Vince, you are definately bard. Did you go to the school for poets or are you just a natural?

[Bluesofa]

The boy stood on the burning deck
Playing a game of cricket
The ball went up his trouser leg
And hit his middle wicket

There was a young girl from Nepal
Who went to a fancy dress ball
She thought she would risk it
To go as a biscuit
But a dog ate her up in the hall

[Faz]

Some posts have been hidden
No, I'm not kiddin
Name calling members
Is strictly forbidden.

 

Do not defame, insult, bully, or harass, any other member, person, or organisation. Be respectful of a person’s country, race, culture, appearance, gender, sexual preference, religion, political beliefs, education, career choice and age.

 

[Bluesofa]

Just now, Faz said:

Some posts have been hidden
No, I'm not kiddin
Name calling members
Is strictly forbidden.

Do not defame, insult, bully, or harass, any other member, person, or organisation. Be respectful of a person’s country, race, culture, appearance, gender, sexual preference, religion, political beliefs, education, career choice and age.

Yes, I noticed that. As you say, that's going too far.

[Faraday]

Not my work.

There was a young lady from nod 

Who wanted a baby from God 

It wasn't the almighty, that climbed up her nightie 

It was the vicar the dirty old sod.

 

 

[Bluesofa]

 

Jack and Jill,
Went up the hill,
To have some hanky panky.
Silly Jill forgot her pill,
And now there's little Franky.

Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead
Now it goes to school with her
Between two chunks of bread

 

Mary had a little lamb
It ran into a pylon
Ten thousand volts went up it's arse
And turned it's wool to nylon

 

Mary had a little bike
She rode it back to front
Every time the wheel went round
The spoke went up her dress

 

Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet
Her clothes all tattered and torn
It wasn't the spider that crept up beside her
But Little Boy Blue and his horn

P.S. None of my own work either.

 

 

[Faz]

Little miss Muffet she sat on her tuffet 
Eating her curds and whey
Along came a spider who sat down beside her
So she smashed it's head in with her spoon.

[Faz]

Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch a pail of water
Jack fell down and broke his crown
And Jill said 'you clumsy clown'.

[Faraday]

There once was a man from leeds

who ate a packet of seeds

 within the hour, his dick was a flower

and his balls were all covered in weeds

 

 

[Faraday]

There was once was a girl who drank gin.

That isn’t too bad to begin,

But reiteration

Shows a high correlation

With behavioral lapses called sin.

Written by Isaac Asimov.

[Faraday]

By Edward Lear 

 

 

[Bluesofa]

20 minutes ago, Faraday said:

By Edward Lear

Reminds me of (the beginning):

 

The Owl and the Pussy-cat went to sea
In a beautiful pea-green boat
They took some honey, and plenty of money
Wrapped up in a five-pound note

 

[Marble-eye]

 

“Mum’s The Word” by Mark Graham 

Don’t forget it’s Mother’s Day
A day or so from now
Practise making breakfast
Try Google to find how
You may of course be modern kids
Of self sufficient ways
In which case just deploy your skills
Create the best of days.

I used to normally self identify as an orphan on that day so I didn't have to send my mother a card.