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News Forum - Young Chinese bar server marries boss 16 years his senior, sparking social media debate on age and status


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A 22 year old Chinese bar server’s decision to marry a 38 year old woman sparked a fierce online debate about the gaps in age and social status. The groom, an attractive young man who works as a bar server, surprised his parents with his choice of bride, initially thought to be his mother-in-law due … …

The story Young Chinese bar server marries boss 16 years his senior, sparking social media debate on age and status as seen on Thaiger News.

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My understanding is that, in modern urban China, the average SMAM is mid twenties for women, and mid-late twenties for men. And the bias in age difference, is that the man is older by less than 5 years only. In rural China, women might marry more often in their early 20s, to men in their mid 20s. So there is a rising age of marriage with modernization, but the average age gap stays quite low. 

In the Anglosphere about 75% of marriages involve an age difference, under 5 years, which is probably because people meet in the education system, and about 90%, less than 10 years.

The average age gap at SMAM is highest in patriatchal Africa, though its still 'only' 6-7 yrs, and thus is less than a decade, even there.

Although there are other counting systems, human ages are typically measured per decade. Which is, conveniently, just short of the age at which people become fertile, during their teens.

Whereas actual parenthood before age 20 is rare. So it seems to me that cross culturally, even where older-male marriages are relatively common, mate selection is biased to be intra-generational. As opposed to inter-generational. 

Cross culturally, its more rare for the woman, to be older than is the man. Older women are less attractive to mates, once fertility drops at ages 25-30. The cougar phenomenon is a myth, but older women really are more accepting of larger age differences, as they get older.

And men, like women, show cynical attraction to mates with wealth and status. So that historical figures like Shakespeare sought older, financially stable widows. This was more common in medieval England, when male mortality was higher, and widowhood earlier. For example its mentioned in Chaucer.

I doubt Chinese think any different, if the older woman has more wealth and status than the younger man. 

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Historically there was some debate among sexologists, as to when women hit sexual peak. Some of them opined a female sexual peak in her 30s, whereas the peak of male libido, was around or below 20.

Testosterone and estradiol both increase female libido. Estradiol is at adult level in girls of Tanner stage 4, and typically drops at about age ~27. Similar statistics exist for testosterone, and in men, testosterone also drops at ~30.

So despite certain insistences that an age gap should exist, couples with a short age gap, are most sexually compatible. The sexual peak is basically mid teens to mid twenties, a window of about a decade.

Marriage nowadays is increasingly delayed, until fertility might be expected to be in decline. Perhaps laxity aboit youtb sexual behaviors, in thw years when libido is highest. 

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