News Forum - American man faces dilemma as Thai girlfriend’s parents demand 1 million baht dowry

[HolyCowCm]

10 minutes ago, Marc26 said:

I wasn't actually talking about sin soht in that post

Just guys getting taken advantage of..............it is almost always their fault

You spending millions of baht on your family is just normal

I am fortunate in that my wife's sister has a good job(she works a lot of hours though) and her 3 brothers work hard and make decent money to support themselves

So we get very minimal money requests

She has one brother who only works sparingly for health reasons(when I think he is capable to work full time) so he sort of shares in her Mom's monthly support..............but my wife pays that

And he is basically my wife's assistant, he does anything she needs or the Mom needs..........so he sort of "works' for his food/housing

Taking advantage of is a totaly different thing, but if with the wrong gal and her family, it is all wrapped in one. That is how Thailand is even now, lower class and too hungry. My ex wife was from the bar a go go dancer. Loved her too much, but did not put up with her give me's shite too. Worst marriage, but best learning experience making me the man I am today. No kids and thank buddha. 

[HolyCowCm]

12 minutes ago, HolyCowCm said:

I wasn't actually talking about sin soht in that post

Just guys getting taken advantage of..............it is almost always their fault

We white foreingers can be a glutton for puishment. Want too much and sometimes it has consequences. How much can everyone or one edure is my question. I picked correct the second time and don't look back. Nothing is perfect, but you need to ask yourself the question periodicaly through the process of being with her:

To Love? or to Really Love? Or just

Already stay this (?) amount of time with her, so you ok? What percent? 

Have kids with her?

Or do you take care of her kids as are they are your step family. But they love you as a dad, maybe more than their dad, or they never really knew their dad, or their dad is a putz.. And you are attached and intune more with her kids than that with her, and your relationship is not perfect. 

Been with my gal now over 24 years now. In the end of the day I say thank god for her to be with me. That is who I am staying with for to her or my passing. I think you are so same with your gal. You love her to bits. 

[Marc26]

14 minutes ago, HolyCowCm said:

We white foreingers can be a glutton for puishment. Want too much and sometimes it has consequences. How much can everyone or one edure is my question. I picked correct the second time and don't look back. Nothing is perfect, but you need to ask yourself the question periodicaly through the process of being with her:

To Love? or to Really Love? Or just

Already stay this (?) amount of time with her, so you ok? What percent? 

Have kids with her?

Or do you take care of her kids as are they are your step family. But they love you as a dad, maybe more than their dad, or they never really knew their dad, or their dad is a putz.. And you are attached and intune more with her kids than that with her, and your relationship is not perfect. 

Been with my gal now over 24 years now. In the end of the day I say thank god for her to be with me. That is who I am staying with for to her or my passing. I think you are so same with your gal. You love her to bits. 

 

[HolyCowCm]

2 minutes ago, Marc26 said:

17 minutes ago, HolyCowCm said:

We white foreingers can be a glutton for puishment. Want too much and sometimes it has consequences. How much can everyone or one edure is my question. I picked correct the second time and don't look back. Nothing is perfect, but you need to ask yourself the question periodicaly through the process of being with her:

To Love? or to Really Love? Or just

Already stay this (?) amount of time with her, so you ok? What percent? 

Have kids with her?

Or do you take care of her kids as are they are your step family. But they love you as a dad, maybe more than their dad, or they never really knew their dad, or their dad is a putz.. And you are attached and intune more with her kids than that with her, and your relationship is not perfect. 

Been with my gal now over 24 years now. In the end of the day I say thank god for her to be with me. That is who I am staying with for to her or my passing. I think you are so same with your gal. You love her to bits. 

Had to read it again I guess.

[Marc26]

1 hour ago, HolyCowCm said:

Had to read it again I guess.

No, just felt my post was a bit too bragging, so deleted it

 

I just think 90% of guys who get taken advantage of, it is their own fault.

 

I think it is extremely easy to figure out things, really quick.

 

 

[Guest1]

3 hours ago, HolyCowCm said:

If they are not poor lower class then you will not or don't pay. Is just a show and then returned. 

And how many Farang you know, in %, married to a Thai, are in this situation?

It is just reality. Most Thai people, married with non Thais, are from poor lower to up to  low middle class.

And they will always support the own family. That was it, why they were looking for a , mostly, elder Farang!

Aside that most Farang still meet the love of their life in tourist locations. Just these girls are almost never from Bangkok, Pattaya, Phuket, Samui, ..., but from Isaan or such.

And a girl from that area, even if not working in a bar, but in a 7, ...,  or restaurant, is still looking for a better future. If not, she could have find work in a 7, ...,  or a restaurant in far closer places to home! 

Just saying, most of the Farang husbands are also not "HISO". And the girls find most often out about it, in case the visa, for them to the home country of the hubby ,is not easy doing. Or the real life in that country has a lot less fun and a work description for them. at Mc Donalds or a discounter or such.

Or the hubby won`t wanna (can`t) build a house for "them", on the ground of the auntie or whoever, in the family.

 

 

[Marc26]

7 minutes ago, Guest1 said:

And how many Farang you know, in %, married to a Thai, are in this situation?

It is just reality. Most Thai people, married with non Thais, are from poor lower to up to  low middle class.

And they will always support the own family. That was it, why they were looking for a , mostly, elder Farang!

Aside that most Farang still meet the love of their life in tourist locations. Just these girls are almost never from Bangkok, Pattaya, Phuket, Samui, ..., but from Isaan or such.

And a girl from that area, even if not working in a bar, but in a 7, ...,  or restaurant, is still looking for a better future. If not, she could have find work in a 7, ...,  or a restaurant in far closer places to home! 

Just saying, most of the Farang husbands are also not "HISO". And the girls find most often out about it, in case the visa, for them to the home country of the hubby ,is not easy doing. Or the real life in that country has a lot less fun and a work description for them. at Mc Donalds or a discounter or such.

Or the hubby won`t wanna (can`t) build a house for "them", on the ground of the auntie or whoever, in the family.

So true about the girls working in tourist areas, but not bar girls

Yes, they should be commended for not doing bar work

But the vast majority of them are looking for the same exact thing as a bar girl

 

As for the girls going overseas

I think that is true as well, but again the vast majority( that I know) are more than happy to work and contribute and yes, help the family back home, when needed

But many will also push back when the requests become a bit much, since they are working and earning that money

 

As for working............

Don't know why any TG wouldn't find work as a server in a Thai restaurant

Unless they are not in a downtown area with plenty of options

They make extremely good money at Thai restaurants, especially compared to home

 

My wife makes about 100k baht/mo after taxes(including tips) working in a Thai restaurant

And she used to make a lot more in her other restaurants, but she likes working this one because it's all her friends

[Gord]

20 hours ago, Marc26 said:

Haha

Exactly.................

Like a bunch of nanny's at tea time   :)

And yet here you are yet once again with more insipid and pointless comments worrying about non issues just like ayou are trying to paint a picture of

[Marc26]

3 hours ago, Gord said:

And yet here you are yet once again with more insipid and pointless comments worrying about non issues just like ayou are trying to paint a picture of

Guilty as charged

 

At least I'm not whining like most of the nannys on here thinking, as always, that it's a farang thing when that's far from the truth

 

Or worrying if someone else chooses to do something

 

Because that makes up 90% of the miserable expat community in Thailand 

Worrying about what the next guy does

 

Pay the sin soht or don't 

Who gives a fxuk what the other guy did

[Guest1]

2 hours ago, Marc26 said:

that it's a farang thing when that's far from the truth

The "overpricing", trying to, that is a "Farang thing"

Is anyone knowing a Thai male, paying money for a lady with kids or divorced?

Unless that lady is from a very wealthy family, I really doubt that.

On the other hand, demands for the second hubby to be-Farang are often in the 6 digjts or 5 to 10baht gold

Even if there is(are) a kid(s) to take care of.

There is some truth in this story, sorry !

[Marc26]

1 hour ago, Guest1 said:

The "overpricing", trying to, that is a "Farang thing"

Is anyone knowing a Thai male, paying money for a lady with kids or divorced?

Unless that lady is from a very wealthy family, I really doubt that.

On the other hand, demands for the second hubby to be-Farang are often in the 6 digjts or 5 to 10baht gold

Even if there is(are) a kid(s) to take care of.

There is some truth in this story, sorry !

No I don't 

 

But some on here are talking about sin soht as farang centric and that is so far from the truth

It is something I may need to deal with my stepson down the road.....

 

And I agree with you completely that they will only demand sin soht from a farang with a divorced daughter with kids

 

But that is 100% those farangs fault 

They have obviously shown themselves be a gullible mark

 

 

By the way.

Guys can refuse 

It's a good indication of how the girl feels about you

 

 

[Ramanathan.P]

On 9/15/2023 at 3:51 PM, Guest1 said:

A friend of mine said once, the best catch for a Thaigirl/-woman  is an orphan with no brothers, sisters or uncel/aunties, or other family

But he also said, this is almost impossible to find

He also said, for a Thai service girl you pay for services and know how much.

Forr a Thai wife you pay all your life

And just dont know, how much it will be

So it is in the eye of the farang, how valuable the realtionship is for him, methinks.

It is possible to find....but takes time and patience in searching for one. If the man is desprate, then better relieve it in Pattaya or Phuket as a temporary solution and keep searching....There are quite a number of them mostly not well educated, either primary or early secondary and dropouts from school due to their poverty, Most of such girls are either brought up by grand parents after the husband and wife goes their own way or orphans form the beginging where they have lost both their parents. Unfortulately some are with siblings and end-up borrowing money from loan sharks to support their siblings when young and keep repaying their entire life including themselves. And cannot come out at all.......that is the reality. 

[TheDirtyDurian]

On 9/16/2023 at 5:54 PM, Guest1 said:

The "overpricing", trying to, that is a "Farang thing"

Is anyone knowing a Thai male, paying money for a lady with kids or divorced?

Unless that lady is from a very wealthy family, I really doubt that.

On the other hand, demands for the second hubby to be-Farang are often in the 6 digjts or 5 to 10baht gold

Even if there is(are) a kid(s) to take care of.

There is some truth in this story, sorry !

I knew one in Buriram years ago. 3rd marriage for her, Thai guy, and he paid sinsot. 

Most Thais will do it. Rich or poor. It's what they do in their culture. 

If you don't want to do it, then don't. 

[Gord]

On 9/16/2023 at 9:16 PM, Marc26 said:

Guilty as charged

At least I'm not whining like most of the nannys on here thinking, as always, that it's a farang thing when that's far from the truth

Or worrying if someone else chooses to do something

Because that makes up 90% of the miserable expat community in Thailand 

Worrying about what the next guy does

Pay the sin soht or don't 

Who gives a fxuk what the other guy did

Try not to be so hard on other guys man. There are crappy people in every culture. Shitty people come in different flavors. Go to South America outside of the tourist areas and you will appreciate Thai culture a little more i think. Latino guys ...that whole macho culture is super toxic aye Cholo? Look at Russian culture and their guys. UK culture? WTF happened there? How far do we need to search to find evidence of the failures of african integration in the US?

Social media and instantaneous networking put tools in the hands of cowards to make everyone's lives potentially less enjoyable. It's up to good people (who are surprise surprise usually working hard to build a future for themselves) to correct these annoying prick's behavior and discredit them and rightly so. I lost count of how many d-bags and ratchety girls have taken a try at messing with me. It just doesn't even register on me any more. I don't have time to worry about cowards and their lying and gaslighting.

If mindreading was a science and not psychotic fantasy i could understand and learn from people's insight. Most of the time these people are just damaged c*nts with nothing better to do than project their insecurities on others. From the safety of the groups of people who coddle them of course.

It's not like we expats can work in Thailand without risking large sums of baht. And yes you are right sometimes it seems all other guys do is blah blah about other guys. It's pathetic but what are we to expect from people whose life revolves around footie matches . To each his own i guess. They have diarrhea of the mouth, uncontrollable feces from the "mind". Sorry for ranting on a bit.

You are also correct it is not just a farang thing. I wish! lol. Annoying ppl with nothing better to do than follow guys around and have a little girlish hissy fit over any behavior they can hold up for public consumption and spin in to some false narrative

Imagine if farang could work here. There would be no work left for Thais. It's not like Thai people can pop over to the US, attend an undergrad and then go to Harvard medical school..or attend MIT or really any major university (in US..maybe they can go somewhere in China idk?)

Are we trapped in here with them or are they our prisoners?

Take care

 

 

[Thaidup]

But no pic of the woman he wants to marry yet? I can only think she looks like this one.

 

[Khunmark]

I don’t have a problem with dowry’s per se. However, the concept should be enshrined into law. We can be certain a woman who marries a man twice her age isn’t marrying him because he’s ‘hot’. The same applies everywhere in the world, there is a premium involved where the age difference is significant.

I would like to see a graduated scale of premiums. Example, If the couple are less than 10 years age difference- no premium. 1st premium comes in at 10-15 years age difference- premium; 250,000 baht. 15-20 years of age difference; 500,000 baht. 20-25 years difference -750,000 baht. And so on.

This  condition of marriage would benefit both parties as it would take the nasty surprise of whopping financial impost out the equation for the man and the woman could tailor her search for the ‘right man’ based on her specific financial needs,

[Marc26]

1 hour ago, Khunmark said:

I don’t have a problem with dowry’s per se. However, the concept should be enshrined into law. We can be certain a woman who marries a man twice her age isn’t marrying him because he’s ‘hot’. The same applies everywhere in the world, there is a premium involved where the age difference is significant.

I would like to see a graduated scale of premiums. Example, If the couple are less than 10 years age difference- no premium. 1st premium comes in at 10-15 years age difference- premium; 250,000 baht. 15-20 years of age difference; 500,000 baht. 20-25 years difference -750,000 baht. And so on.

This  condition of marriage would benefit both parties as it would take the nasty surprise of whopping financial impost out the equation for the man and the woman could tailor her search for the ‘right man’ based on her specific financial needs,

Or you could let just two adults hash our their own relationship matters.......

[Viggen840]

On 9/15/2023 at 10:15 AM, Marc26 said:

I seriously don't think so many guys on here spend much time around Thais and Thai families 

Thai or farang, the person with money pays and helps out if needed 

Even so, the farang needs to ensure they do NOT become a money tree. They also need to insist that money loaned for 'essential purposes' is repaid on time.

[Viggen840]

7 hours ago, Thaidup said:

But no pic of the woman he wants to marry yet? I can only think she looks like this one.

More like Miss TransThailand 2023

[Khunmark]

18 minutes ago, Viggen840 said:

Even so, the farang needs to ensure they do NOT become a money tree. They also need to insist that money loaned for 'essential purposes' is repaid on time.

You’re viewing it from the old farang perspective. Plenty of examples of the younger woman sacrificing the best years of her life to nursing a decrepit old farang and ending up empty handed. There’s a risk for both party’s. But I guess that doesn’t fit the narrative.

[Khunmark]

53 minutes ago, Marc26 said:

Or you could let just two adults hash our their own relationship matters.......

Not working out so well for the American chap in the aforementioned article though, is it?

[Marc26]

6 hours ago, Viggen840 said:

Even so, the farang needs to ensure they do NOT become a money tree. They also need to insist that money loaned for 'essential purposes' is repaid on time.

Yes for sure 

We've loaned money and if it wasn't paid back then they never got another loan

 

We have 2 people that we help out from time to time with small amounts where we  don't want repayment 

Her Aunt and her best friend 

 

Just 5k,maybe 10k, 2 or 3x per year, if that

They are our 2 favorite people in the world and we are happy to help and they don't abuse it 

 

If they asking, they need it

 

 

[Marc26]

6 hours ago, Khunmark said:

You’re viewing it from the old farang perspective. Plenty of examples of the younger woman sacrificing the best years of her life to nursing a decrepit old farang and ending up empty handed. There’s a risk for both party’s. But I guess that doesn’t fit the narrative.

But there is a distinct difference between helping who you need to help and needs help and ones that are just taking advantage and a lot of Thais do abuse the privilege 

 

More than any other group of people I've ever seen

[Marc26]

6 hours ago, Khunmark said:

Not working out so well for the American chap in the aforementioned article though, is it?

We don't know 

He was just experiencing it

 

But if you are a grown adult and can't handle that and stand up for yourself in what you believe in

And be secure enough to walk away if it's not something you are comfortable with

Then you probably shouldn't be getting involved in marrying into a different culture 

 

 

Or be comfortable enough that you are willing to pay it as well.....

 

I honestly don't think it's all that hard, either way 

[Viggen840]

3 minutes ago, Marc26 said:

But there is a distinct difference between helping who you need to help and needs help and ones that are just taking advantage and a lot of Thais do abuse the privilege 

More than any other group of people I've ever seen

I had that from one married-into-the-family. Needed money for a crisis and was told this is a one-off, never again. Lo and behold not a month later she is in dire straits and needs more than she earns in six months. It upset me that I had to say no. If I hadn't done that, I could see it becoming me as an ATM!